September 11th, Plus One Year.

The young man steps out from the doorway of the parking structure, into the chorus of taxi's horns and roaring engines. The sunlight streams between two of the skyscrapers, blinding him temporarily. He walks towards the corner, past a shady niche in a nearby building where an elderly homeless man has taken up refuge from the sun. Squinting upwards, he faintly mouths the words "Good for you, sonny" as the young man passes by. He arrives at the crosswalk, and waits for the signal to change. It does, and he and the rest of the wave of men and women step forth into the street. Another wave approaches from the other side, and he happens to meet the gaze of a middle-aged African-American man in an expensive business suit. He smiles and gives a thumbs up sign as their paths cross. As the young man approaches the building at which he'll begin his day of work, he greets the door-opener as he has each day, for many days prior. "Way to represent, Sir" is the reply he receives as he enters the building. He pushes the elevator button, and while he waits for the car that will expediate his journey to the 29th floor, he notices a young woman approach, wearing a bright red dress, with a blue blouse. "I like that" she says with a grin, indicating his clothing. "Thanks" he says, grinning back, as the bell dings and they both step into the elevator. As he doors close, the metallic surface shows a crystal clear reflection of the young man staring back at him. Glancing down, he acknowledges with pride the bold American flag emblazoned across the chest of his t-shirt with three huge letters. U. S. A.

December 7th. June 6th. November 22nd. Jaunary 28th. And now, September 11. Every generation has its Day of Days. You may not know the significance of all the above dates. That's probably because you weren't alive, then. For those who were, these dates probably mean more than most when they write them on a check, a homework assignment, or any other document. An entire nation was affected, on each of these tragic days. People say that this is the first time the United States has ever been downright attacked on our own soil. Clearly, they've forgotten 1941, when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. They say that this will be the most daring War the United States has ever been involved in, and the most necessary. Cleary, they've forgotten the most famous Day of Days of them all, D-Day 1944. They say it's the first time the nation as a whole has grieved. Yet everyone knows where they were in 1963, when Kennedy was shot. They even say the reason it's so painful is the fact it was so shocking, so unexpected, and that it's more saddening because the people involved had no idea it was coming. Although I was too young to fully understand, I remember watching the video of the Challenger explosion in 1986, which unexpectedly took the lives of those much too young to lose them. Unfortunately, there is now another tragic date that will be remembered, year after year. I wonder where I'll be in fifty years, and how many of these days I'll have lived through, only to have them haunt my memories.

When considering what I would write tonight, I was at a loss. Just about everyone in the world has said something about that day, what it meant, what it will lead to, how it affected them. The truth is, the latter is where I differ from the majority. I was lucky enough to not know a single human being personally that perished that day. The emotional and psychological loss that thousands of people across America have felt for the past year, is foreign to me. I know only the numbers involved, but can't imagine the faces, or the people, behind the 3,025 dead. I've read more about September 11th than any other day in my lifetime. The magazines, the newspapers, the media in all its forms, have helped me learn more about what happened that day, and helped me understand what my fellow Americans are feeling.

September 11th for me, was simple. I woke up at 11am or so, Pacific time. It was all over. I saw nothing live, witnessed nothing as it happened. As people died instantly when the planes hit the towers, I slept. As thousands of others died in the aftermath, I slept. I know not what I dreamt of that night, but I certainly had no idea that devestation was taking place on the other side of my own country. Reading my blogs from that day, and the next, and later that week, it only took me a few days to get back to business as usual. Same old jokes, same old stories, same old visible me. Invisibly, I was different. I remember thinking it would be a long time before I could really vocalize what I was feeling. I've always been somewhat articulate, but the situations in which I need to be most desperately, I'm always at a loss. There are many images from that day that are burned in my memory, but one more painfully affects me the most. The image of one of the thousands of people who had lost a loved one, holding up a picture to the camera, their husband most likely, with the words "Missing from Disaster" across the top. The look on their face on the surface is one of hope. Look closer though, and you can see that fear and a deeper sadness are taking over, even as we watch.

I can't even imagine what it must have been like to be there. To be the firefighters rushing toward the building after the first plane hit, thinking only of their job, and how to get it done, having no premonition that there might be a second plane, or that either building might actually collapse. To be the people in the street, staring upwards at flames a thousand feet above their heads. To be the people in the tower itself, feeling the initial explosion, confused, wondering, what would happen next.

As I sit here I'm watching the CBS special 9/11, for the second time. It's truly unbelievable. People from all over the world in the streets, afraid. I read a fact today, that people from 91 countries lost their lives. That number is staggering. This was not an attack on one nation's people. This was an attack that did not spare women, did not spare children, did not just kill U.S. citizens, and instead killed mankind indiscriminantly.

When asked why I've made the decision to join the military, one answer is easy. To defend this country to the best of my ability, and prevent this kind of terror from ever happening again. My generation was innocent to this point, living their lives as if they would never have to lift a finger in order to defend the freedom this country stands for. These attacks have shown that nothing comes free. I don't see myself ever being happy with a job where I merely reap the benefits of this country and its freedoms, without ever making any sacrifices to preserve them. Sitting in a cubicle somewhere, completely unaware that all over the planet, people are fighting to protect this bubble of a world we're living in. Maybe aware from a history book that sometime long ago, countless people died to create this country, and preserve its values. That oblivious kind of life is not one I will ever choose to lead.

Whether or not I spend my life following orders in the skies, or end up serving the country and its people in another form, such as firefighting, paramedics, or law enforcement, that's the only way I'll avoid having an empty feeling inside, an empty soul. This is not a perfect world. We can only try to pretend. We can only try to make it a better place for those that come after us. We can only try to prevent terrible things from happening to those we love. We can only try.

I feel like I have no right to be saying any of this. My life continues. Basically unaffected, on the surface.

To all those negatively affected by the greatest tragedy I've lived to see:

As time passes, all wounds heal. Scars remain. They serve as reminders of the past, so that we'll never forget.
You learn, you change, you remember, you live. Most importantly, you live. So many people lost the chance to do so, unwillingly. Too young, too soon. Never take for granted a day that you spend alive. Remember the terrible cost of freedom. Remember the terrible price of peace. Remember those who lost their lives, and those who were responsible.

Remember September 11th. May nothing like it ever come again.