Woo, Pwetty Counters...

Well I wasn't planning to post again today, but I figure I might as well input while I'm in the mood, I'm sure there will be periods of days or maybe even weeks when a journal disinterests me, at least temporarily.

Added a couple counters down at the bottom, was pretty painless, just curious to see if I'm talking into an open mic, so to speak. The default setting for this site is reverse chronological, but to me that seems like it must be a pain to read, since if you're behind by more than one post you have to do a lot of skipping around to read them in order.. Besides I know everyone loves giving their mouse scroller fingers a workout..

Was at the beach today, been blessed to live in a place where the weather rarely changes, is never unbearable, and generally moderate. Crowded as always during the summer months especially on weekends. I prefer it that way, I've always been a fan of people watching. Whether watching a little boy dig a hole, flinging dirt on unknowing passers-by, or giggling as a little girl runs all the way out to the water, then screaming runs all the way back up the beach as the water chases her. There are times that I'd rather be the only one on the beach, with nothing but the sounds of the ocean, but today was not one of those times. Took my board as I sometimes do, waves left much to be desired though. Was enjoyable just lying there letting the waves rock you as if I were in a huge cradle.

I generally spend the summers working, through a temporary agency nearby. The pay is better than most, but you never really know when you'll be working, so you're not getting 40 hour work weeks most of the time. I still manage to make 2 or 3 grand a summer, and I can't argue that it's not nice to have days to head to the beach, the movies, or spend time reading or playing games or whatnot. Wonder if that's one word. It is now, looks better that way. Not working til next Wednesday, so I'm sure posts will be regular until then. One of the other fun things about working is lunch, and not only because I get to eat. :) I generally try to meet up with a friend or two, usually someone else who is working and desperate to get away for an hour, and we go have some good conversation over some Taco Bell or Subway (spare no expense).

People tend to point out that just about all of my friends are female. I'm not entirely sure why that's the case. I say "just about" because I do have some friends of my same gender who I spend a lot of time with, generally who share my interests in exercise, recreation, and computers. The majority of the people I hit the theaters or beach or restaurants with are of the opposite sex, though. I guess its based on personality, I'd much rather be a listener to someone who was talking about something other than how many shots of vodka they managed to take the previous night, or how quickly they managed to "get some chick in the sack."

I guess that's another topic I better get out of the way, alcohol.

I don't drink, and when I say that I mean not ever previously, and never in the future. This was a conscious decision that I made a very long time ago based on a certain event, and one that I always intend on sticking to. I'm sure whoever you are, you don't need me to preach about it, or tell you what kinds of problems, injuries, and deaths are caused by alcohol related incidents. Everyone is capable of making their own decisions, and own choices.

Unfortunately, as is the case with people who smoke or use drugs, I tend to lose a lot of possible friends that way. I guess you could say that for those issues I'm extremely close-minded. I've just never seen the positive aspects that any of the above could bring a person, and thus tend to lose respect for them when I find out. Its true that not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic, some just do it for that "buzz" so they can have "more fun" at a party or club or such. I just don't agree with using an unnatural substance that could possibly cause you to lose control of yourself to achieve such a goal. Along those lines, I do have some friends who drink from time to time. I guess I'm dishonest with myself in those cases, and try to pretend like they don't. They're always careful not to bring up the subject around me, and that ends up leaving me out of certain excursions or conversations. I'd rather have it that way though, my truly good friends share my opinion on the subject, which goes back to the concept of needing to surround myself with people who are compatible.

This leads to the ever troubling problem of will I ever find the perfect partner for myself. When I think of all the "requirements" that I have set in my mind, it seems like I've cancelled out like 90% of the population. Some people think I'm picky or elitist, but frankly, if I'm going to spend the rest of my life with that person, I would want us both to be as happy as possible, and enjoy every moment of our lives. No one is perfect, and I'm not looking for someone who is, but there has to be compatibility, and shared opinions on certain issues. One of the reasons I chose UCSB when deciding where to attend college, was because I was currently in a long distance relationship, and figured due to the high percentage of people I couldn't find myself dating, chances of something causing problems in my relationship were slim. I've never been attracted to blondes (that doesn't mean I never will be, I just haven't been yet) and as mentioned above would never date someone who drinks. At UCSB, the percent of people who abstain from alcohol is nine. Unfortunately I was right, I've yet to find someone at UCSB who shared a mutual interest in being more than friends, even though I've been "desperate and dateless" for over a year now.

I'm really looking forward to moving in on the fifteenth, its the most fun day of the year for me. I'll be working on the move-in crew for the second time, which is a really rewarding experience. Not only do I get to move in a day earlier than everyone else (avoiding the lines and traffic jams) but on the following day I get to meet everyone moving into my dorm as they arrive, basically before anyone else. It's very difficult learning a few hundreds names in a day, but it's great meeting tons of people you'll be able to say hi to in the halls for the rest of the year, or in some cases become good friends with. Besides, you get a bright blue shirt! :) Course I also get to say things like "Bob Jones, your cart is ready, Bob Jones" into the megaphone...

I'm on the Quiet Hall for my third year, something I was actually happy to hear. My first year I was also on the quiet hall, and had some really great experiences there. Not only were the guys on my floor more down to earth and shared a lot of my interests (none of which were beer, sex, and weed), but the girls on the floor above were much of the same, a few of which I remain close friends with to this day. At UCSB a very small percentage of students choose to remain in the dorms after their first year, mostly due to the "attractiveness" of living in Isla Vista (from now on referred to as IV), where the majority of the parties and all the fraternities and sororities are located.

I've been in a single all three years, and thus never really felt the need to run out and share a room with two other people overlooking a street where there's noise twenty four seven. My second year I was on a normal hall, having been forced to switch rooms due to reorganization of the male/female aspect of the floors (I live in one of two eight floor towers in the building, basically alternating male/female) and due to the fact there were many more females than males requesting to live in the Quiet Hall and thus it becoming two floors of just former. There was a major clique of most of the guys/girls on our floor, who went out regularly to parties as a group, returning wasted six hours later, with stories of who they banged or what they did or didn't remember. My room is right by the elevator, so I'm the "gatekeeper" of sorts, always seeing people as they come/go (my door is almost always open). I'll see a guy head out with some girl at ten 10pm, return with two other girls at 3am, go in and close his door, and come out with them around 10am the next morning... According to the thing in the mail they've made my unit hall (consisting of two floors, one male one female, one r/a total) the Quiet Hall again, so my hopes of gaining some new good friends and possible romantic interests have been rekindled.

Finding romantic interests is only about a quarter of the problem though. Many a time have I thought I've found a great person to be with, only to find out the feelings were not mutual. If I had a dollar for every "Oh, I could never like you as more than a friend, that would be too wierd" I'd be a very rich man. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy having friends, and frankly would rather have a hundred friends than one girlfriend, but I wouldn't mind having both... I guess I'm just too ugly. (That was sarcastic, really.)

More in a bit, time for a Blockbuster run.

So What's This For, Anyway?

Got the intro done, fixed up some of the settings, looks like everything is good to go for daily ramblings about my life. Whether they'll be interesting is a whole other story.

Watched The Virgin Suicides today, was quite a strange movie. The title is pretty much the plot, so if you're squeamish about such things I wouldn't recommend it, although gore is kept to a minimum. Quite the passionate kiss in the middle though, one of the most hungry, ravenous ones I've witnessed, must be a real mind blowing experience to have someone who needs/wants you that badly. Don't think its possible for that to be sustained over time, though.

I guess that leads into my opinion on relationships... I've been in three, all of which ended with a breakup, but all of whom I remain friends with. Shortest was about six months, longest was thirty. I don't condone the idea of "flings" or relationships that are just for convenience, or that just satisfy the physical need all young adults have. I'm very much hoping the next relationship I have will be "the one," if there is such a thing. I generally become friends with the person for a long period of time before we actually start dating, as compatibility is really important to me. Marriage to me is the most important decision in one's life, and I don't feel I'm anywhere near being comfortable with it yet. It's a decision about whom to spend fifty or so years of your life with, and if you're not the perfect match, you'll find out sooner or later.

I'll save the stories of my previous relationships for another time.

Stories, I tend to be known for them. I'm famous for an intro like "oh, I never told you about" something or other and immediately launching into a narration, generally involving sweeping hand gestures and wide open eyes during exciting portions. It's so depressing when someone answers that initial question with "yeah, you did" because I'm generally already excited about telling it, and then I don't get to. :( My favorite type of writing for school was always autobiographical, whether that was due to a peculiar talent in that area or just overall arrogance and boastfulness I'm not really sure. Boastfulness, that's probably not a word. Anyway.

Sigh. I feel like I have pages and pages to pour out, but I can't do it all at once.

I think I'll end up treating this page as a type of personal friend, someone I can empty out all my thoughts and dreams to, someone whom will always be there to listen, and never there to supply a negative response. I guess I'm doing this more for myself than anyone else.

Who Are You?

You're here, and I'm amazed. I'm not entirely sure what types of people are going to end up reading the words, feelings, or thoughts which I'll spend hours inputting into this blog, but I thank you for your interest, I'm sure seeing the counter change and grow and knowing that someone out there is listening will make me feel special.

I'm sure I'll end up rambling at times, have utterly nothing to say at others, and at times make no sense at all. Its a challenge to maintain this, and it will probably be a challenge to read it as well.

Whomever you are, welcome. :)