A Penny For My Thoughts...

So last night I'm in the mood for talking, and luckily there's someone willing to be talked at, so we go and chow on some Carl's. Western Bacon nummyyummy. Although they got rid of my Crispy Chicken meal which was quite irksome. Then they forgot her ranch so we had to sit there for a while til they opened the window again and tried to hand us the food for the person behind us. So anyway, eventually we get to talking. Amazing the amount of stuff that we covered in a few short hours. I came out of it for some reason feeling much better about things, as if the world had become more clear for some reason.

Strangely, that's the first time in a long time that I've felt that I was talking with someone, instead of talking to someone. I mentioned a lot of things that had been bugging me, and as she said, we "covered it, fixed it, and moved on." She mentioned some things that had caused her to be "snippy" in the past, and what I could start trying to do to alleviate those concerns. Very strange to have such a rational and helpful discussion with someone. These types of things in the past always exploded into arguments that never got me anywhere with various other people. The whole who can be more stubborn type of conversation. The unique thing about this situation is we strongly disagree on an issue very important to me, which generally causes me to immediately think negatively about a person. However, I wasn't made aware of her position on it until much later, which caused me to rethink the idea of making a drastic assumption based on this one issue. My friend is helping me to try to "bridge the gap" so to speak, although so far its been really slow going. Still now, whenever it comes up I manage to turn what I'm saying into a negative connotation, and cause problems. I think its going to be a while before I can look at those kinds of people in a "whatever makes them feel good" instead of a "why are they trying to hurt themselves and especially others" kind of light. I think the whole "forgive, but don't forget" saying applies here, I'll never be able to forget the things that have happened to me or people around me in my life due to abuse of alcohol, but I'm not going to be able to stop the whole world from having fun. Maintaining my distance has always been the plan, but at times that isn't possible, and I need to learn how to handle that when it comes.

Its strange, with my best guy friend moving off campus this year, and us only talking once a week or so if that for various excursions, I've had to look elsewhere for your daily guess what happened to me this is why I'm happy this is why I'm sad type stuff. This friend has really made me think there are other people out there who care, and are interested in my life, and want me to be interested in theirs. These are the best kind of friends.

In other news all the thinking yesterday managed to spawn a dream of the best kind last night, where I managed to meet this just perfect girl. Had an absolute blast getting to know her and going places with her, til I woke up. Strangely I only remember snippets of what she looked like, although I remember everything about what we did, and what it felt like. Maybe there's hope yet, if my brain is capable of conjuring up exactly what I'm looking for, I must not be as confused as I thought.

Isn't it natural that one would desire to be desired?