Floatin In The Clouds...

Sometimes saying somethig nice goes a long way. Its one thing to get a compliment from your family or a close friend, that tends to be a common occurrence, or even something they feel they "should" do from time to time. Its a completely different thing to me when I receive a compliment from a total stranger, or someone I know but not very well.

Last night I was just walking down the hall when someone pulled me aside to tell me that I was an excellent writer, something I really don't hear too often. During most of my life and especially high school, I've been surrounding by amazing writers, and was always considered by them as a mediocre one, occasionally entertaining. A certain event in the Academic Decathlon managed to kill my confidence for quite some time that I would ever be able to write something worth a decent grade. Still have to get around to telling that story. Some day when I'm already depressed. Anyway, apparently the person had made it to this page at one time or another and thoroughly enjoyed it. The person was adamant to the point they thought I should drop Business Econ and pursue a writing career. Usually I'd shrug off the random comment from someone as B.S., or them trying to kiss my ass for some reason or another, but something about the way the person said it made it seem sincere. They weren't looking me in the eye, as if they were almost embarrassed to give such a bold and random compliment. Who knows, maybe I got all excited over a joke, but regardless, it made me feel really good inside.

Those types of random acts of kindness always tend to keep me up in the clouds for days at a time. People don't realize how much it means to me, especially when I'm down in the dumps for some reason or another.

There have been many arguments about the purpose of an online journal, and I've seen many a personal attack towards someone suggesting they're just doing it for "the attention." I suppose that has to be a little part of it for everyone who keeps one, otherwise there's no real rational reason to make it public. Some people are more concerned than others when it comes to counting their hits and regular readers, but I don't think I'm one of those people.

I write for me, myself and I. If I didn't think I had anything to gain from expressing my feelings through words, I wouldn't. I really enjoy reading back into random entries and seeing how I felt at that time in my life. I tend to bust through each entry in five minutes or so depending on the length, so within a couple days I've forgotten most of what I wrote. When reading through it again, its like reading a book I've never read, by an author I've never met. I don't think I posses the creativeness to actually write a novel out of my head at this point in my life. Maybe its proof of self-centeredness that I'm only able to write hundreds of pages about myself on a daily basis. Then again maybe that's the subject I'm the most intelligent expert on. Yeah, I enjoy hearing that people were entertained by this journal. I am even more excited to hear that they thought something I said was profound, or something that happened to me has changed the way they go about doing something in their own lives. It's the personal closure though that sits me down at the computer every day or two to "blab at the world." Basically speaking out, without knowing whether or not its being heard, or even if it is, by whom.

My initial reason for writing was the concept that if the "perfect person" ever ran into me in real life and wanted to know more, they could read through these pages and basically get my life story, the whole thing, and decide from the get go whether or not I was quite so perfect for them. I figure it would save a lot of time. Maybe that sounds weird, but if I was interested in someone I would totally read all about them regardless of length, to see what there is to see. So, for those who read this regularly, I can only guarantee more of the same. Mostly boring, occasionally intelligent. Mostly random, occasionally exciting. Mostly unimportant, but most importantly, honest.