A Roof With A View...

The tiny spider inches its way along the metal railing next to the young man. He watches as inch by inch, progress is made. The tone of his friend's voice is still echoing inside his head as he lifts his gaze to take in the view around him. From the lawn chair on the roof of the apartment building several stories up, he can see much of the surrounding area, the lights from many tall buildings interrupting the darkness that is the night. It is cold, the breeze has picked up since the beginning of the conversation. He realizes the time has been passing unnoticed. He glances back to his friend as she stares off into space, seemingly oblivious of the temperature as she stands there, leaning against the railing in a tank top and jeans with her arms crossed, defiant. The deep down sadness is shown in her expression. A tear is still visible on her cheek before she wipes it away, seemingly angry her emotions have become visible. The young man is torn, wanting to help, not knowing what he can do. He's never seen her like this, but they've never really had this kind of conversation before. Usually it's he who's jabbering away, telling a story, making side comments whenever possible. Tonight it is she, opening up a side of her he's never seen. For the most part he just listens, trying to understand what she's going through, but knowing he can't share the weight of the pain to make her side lighter, no matter how hard he tries. He wishes he didn't have to see the people he cares about like this. There's a silence for a minute, as the crescent of the moon climbs higher into the sky. His gaze wanders back to the spider. It's decided against that earlier course towards her, and is now making its way back towards him. It disappears behind a potted plant, as he shivers."

Made the trek up into L.A. to visit a friend last night, she's staying there for the summer to attend summer school, originally from the Bay Area. Seemingly random conversation eventually turned to much less pleasant topics, as I learned about a problem she's been facing for a while. Made me realize that I must have been making progress somewhere a long the line, because the number of nights when I feel the way she does have dropped dramatically over the years. I guess it's because I have friends like her to talk to whenever I feel the need, there's always an open ear whenever my voice needs to be heard. Then again I guess it could be because I've been lacking a girlfriend or female companion for almost two years now, and so there's been less drama...

Not much pains me more than seeing an inherently good person affected negatively by someone else, when it's out of my control. You just want to give them a big long hug and show them that you're there, and always will be. Our conversation last night made me realize she's one of only a few really close friends I have at UCSB, whom I can always call whether it be to whine about the latest rejection I've faced, or ask for a ride because my car broke down in the middle of the night. I just haven't really connected with the amount of people I did in high school, even though I've been there three full years. I think the overall mentality is just different in college, and the amount of people on my wavelength is minimal. Makes me thankful to have the close friendships that I do, I wouldn't ever want to give those away.

To those who make my friends feel like shit, open your eyes, and realize what an idiot you are.